Monday, April 14, 2014


One day you will find yourself with nothing. 
No one to care for you and love you the way a person should be loved.
You WILL, picture my face in your thoughts.
And you will feel NOTHING... but emptiness.
The powerful person you THOUGHT you were will begin to crumble.
And in the midst of all the flames burning your world, you WILL remember all you've done to me.

I gave everything to you!
I put you before myself when I should have ran like hell the moment I laid eyes on you.
For the longest time I thought YOU were broken, damaged, hurt by other people.
I thought you were misunderstood and misread but no.... I was a fool!
Every disgraceful thing anyone has ever told me about you is true to your persona.
This person I know you to be now would never in a million years be worth my dam time.
You lied about who you are from the beginning and you kept feeding me lies like I was worthless.
I believed it and showed you compassion like an imbecile. 
You have never made me a priority yet I still stand by your side.
Supporting you and wishing well for you in everything you do.
I have never received the same in return.
No more will I allow this degrading treatment. 
I am worth much, much more than what your selfish ass makes of me! 

I look at myself in the mirror sometimes and I don't even recognized myself.
I, am broken, damaged and hurt. I can see it in my face.
I am weak because of what you've done to me.
What I have sadly allowed you to do to me.
You have ruined me. 
Everything I was, what I've become, is ruined. Because of you.

I no longer care to wish well for you!
I will no longer waste my time on thoughts of you.
You are no longer everything to me.
You are nothing.
You are no one.
You are worthless....... 

You WILL remember me.
When you realize what you've lost you WILL feel sorrow.
When we meet again I WILL be happy...
Without you..

You will look at me and you will no longer see you.
For the first time, you will see me.
Not the people you place in front of me, but you will actually see ME. 
That day will be the happiest moment that I will forever remember.
That day, you will truly be...
B R O K E N 

I truly believe in karma. Everything I have been through because of this person has to have meaning.
I did not experience this for no reason. This person WILL fall and I WILL rise with happiness and prosperity. My heart could not have been wasted solely in this. There is more to my life than this pain, shame and disaster I have endured. I will one day understand why I had to go through this to become a better me tomorrow. One day......

Thursday, February 13, 2014

I'll be the last thing on your mind

For a while I couldn't even look at you
I didn't know what to think or what to do
Disgusted and disappointed because of how I felt for you
Later finding out that none of it was based on truth.

A good heart laid on the floor for you!
And you dragged it along no matter what it took
Using me at your expense to get a kick or two?!
Yet keeping me close while my foolish feelings grew.

I'm worth so much more than what you make of me
One day you will fall again and then you will see
I did not deserve the way you treated me 
And karma will burn your "perfect" world before you can count to three.

But I can't deny how much you mean to me
Like a favorite drug, my heart always goes back to you indeed
Although you're a poison, I can never say no
I can't imagine the day that I'll finally let go.

And after so much thinking, I now allow myself to see
That I will always love you
For the person that you truly are...
Not who you pretended to be.

As the floods move in
And your body starts to sink
I'll be the last thing on your mind
I know you better than you think
'Cause it's simple darling, I gave you a warning
Soon everything you own will fall from the sky in pieces
So watch them fall with you, in slow motion
I'll pray that you find peace of mind
And I'll find you another time

I'll love you, another time....

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Ashes on the ground......

I can't help but feel sad sometimes
and morn the loss of what I almost had. (so close....)
I didn't give it all I had in me
To just have it all slip from my hands.
Maybe I made things too easy.
I didn't even put up a fight.
And although the odds were against us
In my heart it just felt right. (so right...)
If I could go back to change it all
And prevent these memories so vivid.
I wonder if I would do anything differently
Or willingly fall at your feet again and re-live it.
If your heart at one point claimed me
I wish you would have told me...
I would have held your hand and never let it go
Hugged you, kissed you, like no other did before.
Now all I have is a list of regrets
And hopes that won't be found
Stored away in this burning heart
(Will you ever save me?)
 Or are we ashes on the ground?.....

Friday, June 28, 2013

Just live.

Has my life seen that much darkness?
That my heart only seems to know pain.
Not even sleep heals this derangement.
Who killed my dream?
My lyrics only speak of sadness.
A melody that only plays through weakness.
My voice makes sound although I'm breathless.
What helps me sing?
I can't give up, I have to fight.
But through my tears I lose my sight.
My strength is slowly parting from me.
When will I win?
I'm always falling, sometimes drowning.
The world keeps crashing down around me.
My body feels so heavy, I try to lift me.
Where are my wings?

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Good Enough

Open heart, selfless thoughts
endless efforts, it never stops.
Above and beyond the limits I go
yet I stand here alone with nothing to show.
What does a person have to do
to expose their true value and worth.
The more you share, the more you give
people you thought you knew only treat you worse.
Will I ever be good enough?
Time and time again I find myself drowning
in my sorrow of hopeless dreams and happy memories.
I look at my face and the tears keep falling
a broken heart that no one sees.

It is just a matter of time
until I no longer want to be me
I won't have or make time to care
The good in me will be gone completely

One day I will wake up
With the darkest heart anyone has ever experienced
My world will no longer crumble
and I won't feel pain because of this..

I can already feel my heart beating less.


Friday, January 25, 2013

No God To Save Me

I've never cried so much before
Or felt such a consuming pain
My soul never felt so empty
A fire burning through my veins.
At times I couldn't breath
Sometimes I wished I didn't
No one deserves this feeling
But, every day I seem to live it.
What have I done so bad?!
To have this thing take over me
Live with love in my heart?
Is that really that awful? Honestly?!!!
I can't help but feel anger!!
And become frustrated with myself.
It is my fault I am found here
Can't really blame anyone else.
My thoughts stop making sense
The walls can't be any louder
My sanity is breaking.
The darkness taking all my power.
I wipe my tears but they keep falling
My voice is gone from all the crying.
No one around, don't need to hold it
I've lost this time, my cards are folded.
I try to sit up but this force keeps me down.
I try to scream but there's no sound.
I hold my chest to stop the "bleeding"
To find my heart no longer beating!
I'm scared, confused, this can't possibly be.
The hurt in my heart must have finally killed me.
Somehow I get up, maybe from all the terror.
And there's my reflection in front of the mirror.
I guess I'm alive but I don't believe it.
As long as I carry this with me this isn't living....


Monday, January 21, 2013

Checkmate ;)

He says I'm only a pawn in his game.. I say I'm the queen.
My position is steady, my abilities unseen
I like to stand real close, I shall protect my "king"
By my side he knows he's safe, he doesn't know my sting.

See, he thinks he has control, unaware of who I am
but soon this game will end and he then will understand.
I was never by your side. In fact I kept my d i s t a n c e
Your hand I was never holding, a field of pieces stand between us.
There's a reason why I know your eyes so well, they never left my sight.
To you I may seem quiet, but to me YOU have no fight.
A king can have as many pawns, a pair of nights and bishops too.
Rooks might make a difference, until the queen steps in and makes her move.

So let me clarify things for you, 
because you must have "us" misunderstood.
You are nothing without me, you have no right to pick or choose.

So here are the rules nice and simple, easy as can be.
You will move when I move, step when I step, you listen to ME!
You think you can outsmart me, how cute a thinking fool
Oh look the fool is dancing 
I'm coming straight for you.
You will always be worthless once you stand alone.
and you will only have yourself to blame
Your cheap crown is just too big to let you see....
The queen is the most valuable piece in the game.